‘how are you?’. F. asked me.
i guess it depends of the day. it also depends of the moment of the day. and my period. it might also be affected by the path of the stars.
i opened co-star. ‘don’t eat pickles’. well noted. i guess this will solve my day.
in between the good and the bad days, here we are. another year comes to an end.
like it or not, it forces us to reflect.
i guess my biggest learning was to understand that the good is not that good. and the bad is not that bad.
tomorrow will be another day, and the problem keeping us awake today wont be the same in ten days as in ten months or in a decade.
it’s like the scars. they heal most of the times.
what i have learnt about myself is that you get what you tolerate. in every part of your self: work. love. friends.
i was in the pool with C. ‘i need to learn how to detect the red flags not too late’, she said.
when we are people pleasers, establishing solid boundaries is very hard.
even more when you are a woman and you have been raised to please everyone.
it feels wrong to prioritise yourself instead of somebody else.
i have also learnt how important it is to know your worth at all times.
like this thing i read once. a bottle of water can be one dollar at the supermarket. two at the gym. three at the movies. five at the airport.
it’s the same water.
the only thing that change its value is the place. so when you feel your value it’s nothing, maybe you are in the wrong place.
and i have been in the wrong place many times. but always managed to change.
i have also started appreciating things in a different way.
the slow mornings. walking the dog. the deep talks.
work to live. not live to work.
the gigs. the trips. the beach. the friends.
it was also about learning to be comfortable in imperfection. and making the most it. embracing it.
the freeze hair. the broken english. the high and lows. the let’s do it – let’s try – let’s go – why not. i don’t cook but i can host.
i guess some serenity crossed my way. i understood i can’t keep on fighting who i am my whole life.
‘how do you feel about your year?’, i asked B.
‘bought an apartment, got a dog and changed my job’, he said. ‘for 2025 i am just wishing some chillness. i can’t handle more change. i dream about just making it home and cooking for dinner pan tumaca and tortilla de patatas.’
‘you were stressed about the potatoes but after you were ok’, F. told me when i decided to introduce to my aussie friends a tortilla de patatas, almost one year ago.
that same day, she told me for this 2024 she would like to play in a festival and having more gigs, which she did.
L. was preparing one of his improvised dinners. i love how he does chicken. it’s the juiciest i ever had. ‘what’s your biggest learning this year?’, i asked him.
‘i dont know if it’s the biggest, but i talk too much’, he said.
made me think how important it is to have a cheerful talker around us.
i don’t know if he talks that much, but one of my highlights of 2024 was having these improvised dinners with a glass of wine and discuss about life.
good talks are food for the soul.
i have also learnt that the moments i remember the most are the ones that came from a free-flowing togetherness.
my dog finding sticks and parading about it. L’s. carbonara that sent us to an epic nap.
M. bringing me croissants when she knew i was not doing well. the aperos chez B. where we just sit in the floor and we cry.
all these spontaneous hung outs where we don’t do anything specific. we just hung out and we are generous with our time.
2024 was also about seeing my loved ones having big changes in the direction of their lives. and despite everything, not giving up.
becoming a mum, losing their job, losing their love. being bullied at work.
i guess meanwhile there is some togetherness left, we can still face adversity.
what i have learnt this year being 18.000 km away of what used to be home, is how lucky i am to have found the people that crossed my path.
they gave me their time, opened their hearts and included me in their lives.
i don’t know what life is about. but what i do know for sure is this rollercoaster of ups and downs is more safe, fun and manageable if you do it in togetherness.
last Sunday F. and D. threw an epic party before NYE. when it came to the end, they played ‘I Believe’, of Yolanda Adams.
‘i believe i can, i believe i will, i believe i will dance, i believe my dreams are real’.
sounds naif. but think about it. after all we made it through another year.
i know i wrote the opposite not long ago, but maybe, where there is a will, there’s truly a way.
we just need to understand we can’t always control when, how and where.
for this 2025, i wish to all of us to believe more in ourselves.
and with some togetherness. to not lose ourselves in the way.