are you going to desex your dog?, D. asked me once.
apparently it’s pretty common. and maybe that’s why dogs are different here.
they don’t bark. there’s no dramas in the park. they even smile.
did some research. 80% of dogs here are desex.
by cutting the testosterone, you remove all the things that are out of tone.
they won’t hump, won’t fight, won’t do socially awkward stuff.
desex your dog if you want to have a five stars walk.
somehow i feel it’s all about the same. putting our pets and ourselves in an emotional cage.
is society desexing us? but instead of removing our sex hormones, it’s about our emotions.
to make sure we smile, we won’t bark and avoid dramas in our daily life.
‘let’s work today in your arrogance’, my work coach said. ‘remember to smile, have daily coffee with people you dont like, and try to improve your small talk’, she said.
‘should i type in my computer with only two fingers as well? to not look very confident?’, i wanted to ask.
in a different way, she is cutting my balls as well.
‘how’s your weekend?’ i ask now to random people in the cafe of my workplace.
small talk for me it’s one of the scariest thing. but i told myself it will be ok meanwhile i wait for my long black.
the no calculated risk is my coffee taking 15 minutes to arrive.
‘could i have a three-quarters full with soy milk, extra hot, weak, small latte’, the karen asked.
sometimes i wonder if with all the choices in types of milk, temperatures, level of caffeine and amount of foam, maybe people don’t really like coffee anymore.
i smiled to the girl. ‘how was your weekend?’, i asked her.
‘oh you know, it’s so expensive to have kids. the daycare of bobby and sally is costing me 4000 dollars per month. so i don’t go anywhere. i just want the best for them’, she shared.
that’s a different way of showing off, i thought.
‘and i am renovating my kitchen floor. i haven’t still decided if i want tales or timber’, she said.
my coffee arrived. ‘sorry for the delay’, they said. ‘of course, no problem’, i answered with a smile even if it’s just a long black – for god sake – . i was ten minutes late to my 9.30 am.
even if coaching is good, i don’t know if session after session, this coaching thing is killing my personality.
like the three-quarters full with soy milk, extra hot, weak, small latte. there’s no coffee left.
the next weekend i was with C. in a music festival. i was feeling good about just being myself. no filters.
a friend of C. came. he was stunning. big. brown. Middle East traits. with a big beautiful nose. they don’t do noses like this anymore, i thought.
couldn’t stop staring at him. ‘i love your nose’, i said.
i don’t remember much but apparently i started an ode to his nose for 20 minutes straight. i was pretty intense. ‘is this your real personality?’, he asked me meanwhile he laughed.
ok, maybe it’s time to go home. won’t tell this to my coach, i thought.
the next week i was with D. and T. for the Steam Down’s gig.
D. was telling us about her process of freezing eggs. she doesn’t know yet if she want kids. she doesn’t know if her boyfriend will want kids. she doesn’t know who her boyfriend is.
sometimes science is magic. we don’t even need to have sex to procreate.
‘i am so sick of this process’, she said. ‘i am gaining some much weight. i am afraid nobody would have sex with me again’, she concluded.
hoping is her hormonal trip making her speak like this, as women, are we ever going to get a break about our body weight?
‘just get some ozempic when you are done with the eggs’, T. answered. ‘i am getting mine in the black market’.
definately no break.
i guess this is what happens when women’s body are treated as a trend.
society forces us to fit in the insane standards they invent. then we inject ourselves whatever is needed to reach the image they expect.
on another note, the gig was lit. they ended up with ‘free my skin’ and was one of the best lives i have ever seen.
the day after i called K. she moved to Mexico two years ago following an incredible job. ‘so how is Mexico life going?, is your partner adapting well?’, i asked her.
‘well, it’s complicated. he followed me here but he didn’t managed to get a stable job. sadly, still not ok when the girl makes more money than men’, she said.
‘i don’t know if it’s a consequence, but it has been two years we haven’t had sex’.
there she was, desexing herself in a different way.
‘i don’t know if he is punishing me or if he is not attracted to me anymore. and i can’t ask him, i am not ready yet to face the consequences’.
sometimes looks like we can’t have it all. the dream job and the dream love.
the week after i was pitching a new product launch to a client.
the buyer had a frozen face. it’s hard to adapt your speech and to read the room when a face is paralysed. you can’t connect.
no smile, no surprise. i left the room a little bit destabilised. i imagined her pissing ice.
made me think if somehow botox is becoming a tool for social control.
it’s no just about aging, it’s about looking sleek and perfect. having everything under control. no unexpected reactions in your face.
maybe instead of having a coach i should be getting botox.
made me think if by blocking the muscles of your face, can you still have emotions as well?
how is the brain understanding when you are mad, happy, worried or surprised but your face can’t react?
i google it and there’s some research about it. ‘preventing frowning through botox injections inhibits the way the brain processes emotional faces. botox paralyzes muscle movement, which seems to disrupt the modulation of activity between the face, the amygdala, and the fusiform gyrus’.
if desexing dogs it’s the solution for acceptable behaviour, maybe botox it’s the solution for human 5 stars interactions.
i was reading the news about the trump post election. and how the 4b movement is gaining a lot of traction.
no sex with men. no dating men. no marriage with men. no giving birth.
we are desexing ourselves politically as well. we are challenging our traditional sexual roles.
well, it starts to make sense we are being scared.
when you read in the news that a japanese politician is suggesting to remove our uterus after the age of thirty to help reverse the birthrate, what they expect?
desexing ourselves emotionally, sexually, politically.
i dont remember signing for a chapter in our lives where things were getting this hard.
i dont know. sometimes you just want to say fuck you all. emotionally, sexually, politically.