where there is a will, there is a way, they say.
but sometimes things don’t go the way we expect. and it’s hard to accept.
you wish this, you get that.
like in sex and love.
sometimes you want them to like you for your brain. but you just get night dates instead.
when you talk about the subject to get some clarity, it tends to finish with a ‘well, take care’, which basically is the acceptable way of saying ‘go f* yourself’.
it happened to all of us. i went for dinner with Z. ‘i was invisible in his instagram feed. our dinners and moments together were just an excuse to create content for his stories’, she said.
made me think if some sex and love encounters are as ephemeral as some instagram stories.
they might last more than 24 hours if they get highlighted. but if you don’t make it to the feed, you don’t exist.
other times you just want to have fun. but they want you to be the one.
‘i built you a bridge of steel and you haven’t crossed it because of the height’, he texted me.
well, this is a strong statement, i thought. it’s true that i was afraid.
but i guess it’s easier to get rid of your fears when you have strong feelings.
you keep going because you like the attention and the projection of being the one.
sometimes you just want to get laid. but you mix up things. and turns out the signs were fake.
‘i think i like L.’, i told A. ‘every time we see each other there’s something’. ‘invite him out’, she said.
we went for a couple dates. first one was just drinks. second one was dinner. after the tenth wine, i said ‘i am ready to go to your place’.
‘sorry i don’t feel the same’, he answered.
i am so out of this game, i thought. i am not even playing because i don’t understand the frame.
and other times there’s perfect reciprocity. compatibility. this special connection that is rare and electric. but there is not synchronicity.
it was not meant to be. and it’s pretty sad. will write about it another time.
sometimes you have the will of forgetting your ex. but Facebook will screw you up reminding you a happy memory that will make you spend all your Kleenex.
‘fuck my life’, L. said with a cup of coffee in his hand. ‘Facebook just remind me one year ago i was camping with him’.
and as a prophecy, that same day he ended crossing his ex while walking the dog in pyjamas in the middle of the street.
there was a will, but no a way in the right to forget.
i was in Japan a couple weeks ago and asked for a matcha latte. A. did the same.
‘i do believe matcha is an acquired taste’, she said. ‘like your first beers, wines or cigarettes, you don’t like them at the first taste’, she said.
‘yes, we forced ourselves but also because the benefit is there. you get drunk. you socialise. you look hot. i don’t see how matcha helps in that sense. i just feel like a kid who has been forced to eat the greens’, i said.
i couldn’t finish any of the matcha drinks i tried for ten days in a row.
made me think if some relationships can be an acquired taste as well. you force yourself to like them.
because there is nothing wrong in them. once you checked they are not sociopaths, clean of criminal records and they are not trolls, why couldn’t work?
this is what i thought about E. but somehow it was like the matcha thing. no matter how much i tried in four months, i always ended my encounters asking myself why am i doing this.
at least with my matcha delire i gave up in ten days. shouldn’t be that hard to understand what we don’t like. we should listen more to out gut.
but i understand. sometimes you feel the pressure. what’s wrong with you, some people thought. ‘are you sure you don’t like him?’, Y. asked me once.
what can i say. what’s wrong with me is that i prefer to be on my own than smelling his terrible cologne, i guess.
we have the will. but sometimes we should trust why there is not a way. not getting what we want it’s hard to accept.
maybe this is part of growing-up. or maybe it’s just the cosmos protecting us in a way we are not ready to understand yet.