random thoughts

giving up control

never been a control freak.

and i tolerate very badly control and process driven freaks.

or methodic people, like germans.

but growing up, you have to be more conscious about your acts.

you lose spontaneity.

i guess there is also the point about what society expects about you.

as a woman of 37 years old.

but you are not in the standards.

not married. no kids. no couple.

and you look younger than your real age. not just because you have baby face.

because the way you think, dress and proceed.

‘just yourself today?’ – they ask me when i sit in a table.

‘today and probably tomorrow as well’, i say.

they say the recovery time of a break up is half the time of the relationship.

if you have been 3 years with somebody, then you need 1.5 years.

i told this to J. and she started laughing saying i was delusional.

in my case, it has been 11 years. so 5.5 needed. i am right now at 5.3.

she stopped laughing.

In this 5.3 i lived in New York, Paris and Melbourne.

i traveled alone. and with friends. in Europe, Africa, Asia, Middle East and South America .

i bought a vineyard by the beach.

i got 3 promotions at my job.

i started investing in art.

i am taking care of myself above anything else.

i ask for help.

and i had zero serious relationships during the 5.3.

most importantly, i haven’t looked for it.

and here is where the magic happens.

when you accept that it might be like this forever.

and the relationship you decide to invest in is the relationship with yourself.

and little by little, you are not so afraid of judgement.

and you start allowing yourself to lose control.

lose yourself to dance.

lose yourself to dare.

lose yourself to love yourself.

maybe because i am in Melbs. or because i am going out with people i just met. or because the stars just aligned. or because i am finally connecting with my inner child.

you give up control. you dont judge yourself. and you do n’importe quoi.

i don’t remember where i read this. it was something like you shouldn’t go to the supermarket hungry because you will probably just grab junk food.

it’s the same in relationships. don’t go to love hungry. you risk to grab junk guys.

if you feel like loosing yourself to dance, check this playlist

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