a karen will always remain a karen.
and i am ashamed to confess that a karen almost made me throw everything away.
a karen almost made me give up. not just from work, but from the life i finally have.
i decided to stay.
i am building a life. making friends and having experiences that has been a while i didn’t have.
to the karen who tried to hurt me. thank you. you made me realise about all the good stuff.
i was with L. laying by the beach. we asked for a joint. and instead we got a dish of pot.
‘i have the impression that here sometimes things just flow’, she said. ‘give it a chance, you will see’.
well, certainly does, i thought, when asking for a joint you get a dish of pot.
‘true i don’t like the working culture here, but in the personal space, coming from the UK, Melbourne gave me a second chance to have a life’, she said.
that’s a powerful statement, i though.
the next day i had brunch with Z. ‘i am having a cultural clash as well’, she said. ‘my team is very into reproducing quickly. i never seen something like that in my life’, she said.
it’s a family-dog-house first mindset. well, i already got the dog. if i manage to twist it for writting-party-dog first mindset, i guess i could say i made it in my own way.
Friday night B. got me some thd gummies.
‘they are condescending to me as well in the office’, she said. ‘but i think it might be worst for me. at least you are white. do you consider yourself white?’, she asked me.
didn’t know what to answer as i never had to ask myself the question. ‘this is what white privilege is about, bitch’.
she is right. maybe somehow i am kind of a karen as well. and then the THD hit us strong.
‘in my ideal life, i am having tequila sunrise when I wake up’, she said.
‘careful, this is cultural appropriation. you are trying to have a white privileged housewife life’, i said.
we couldn’t laugh more.
‘in my ideal life, i make a living by writing the random thoughts that cross my mind’, i said.
‘so you want to be a blogger’, she said laughing in her chair. ‘you lived in 5 different countries building a career to write random stuff?’
‘at least is intellectual stuff’, i defended myself. ‘it’s not a boobstagram as a way of life’.
that was it. took us a couple of gummies to have the revelation of our lives.
we just want the wannabe professions of the late nineties and early two thousands. bloggers. djs. curators. trend hunters.
better late than never, i thought.
the day after I called H. i debrief her about my latest life stuff. ‘you don’t realise how lucky you are. you just found a real tribe there. all your friends look like free and young despite their age’, she said. ‘it looks like they prioritise themselves above anything else: gigs, trips, gym’, she concluded.
it’s kind of true. if they are in a couple they are not the boring ones that won’t leave their place once. if they are pregnant they still go to any plan despite sciatic hit them hard. if they are single they don’t waste their life just looking for the perfect one.
the week after i had several voice notes of L. with some news about her trip. ‘i am in the middle of a major health crisis’, she said. ‘in the middle of a country i never been before. i am trying all kind of stuff. i just finished an acupuncture appointment where i almost got blind’.
waiting for the doctors to find her diagnosis, we are both convinced her body just broke up after years and years of fighting life.
you never know when your body will go on strike. maybe prioritising oneself it’s something we should have in mind, i thought.
next day i went for a walk with Gomez and A. if everything in Australia is about working to live and not living to work, what’s the magic formula to make our work time even shorter?
‘How do we retire before the age of 45?’, i asked her. ‘i dont know’, she said. ‘i am already 45. but if you are about to start a plan, i guess you would need to give up the avocado toasts and the weekend brunch’, she said.
that’s sad, i thought. what’s life without brunch and going out?
sometimes looks like life it’s a tension between today and tomorrow. between preparing yourself for the future, having a plan, having a place, freezing your eggs meanwhile in the present we try to make the most of every single day.
we only live once, we say. and not a single good decision comes after it. but at least we build the most amazing memories.
i am taking a leap of faith.
i am staying because until now, i have always prioritised my professional life above the personal one.
i am staying because the friends i met are not one-time shots. but life-time love.
i am staying because life has to be about something else than just chasing. chasing the train. chasing the day. chasing the sun. or chasing a conventional life.
i am staying because here i have all the outdoors I have always dream of.
i am staying because growth and comfort are antonyms – and prioritising my personal life is the unknown for me.
i am staying because this whole situation re-opened the crazy bitch i have inside. and this is where the whole fun lies.
i am staying because somehow I feel reconnected with who I really am.